Path of Enlightenment

This is my first post for creative-remedy, what you might read now is a poem written by collaboration of two armature yet good writers, that would be me and and good friend of mine. Any way, here it is

Eat, sleep, breathe as you fall into the ocean of desperession,

Wish, think, act as u build your home, your nation,

Counting narrow streets of life  and the statues of frustration,

Broadening them, lightening them, fighting the starvation,

Eligible for a bolt of bright is a long awaited celebration.

The laughs, the cries, the familiar sighs,

The screaming deamons as we say our last goodbyes,

Awaiting another melody with arms open wide,

Haunting every voice, there exists a black dressed bride,

Slaughtering a ray of hope with each stride.

My mind reader is the guardian of your lies,

Of your secrets, your pains, your every single disguise,

To feed on you, let the pain through your veins,

For it’s the way to an eternal life in paradise,

Or choose your path lets chase the hell here.

Ah I am tired, tired of living, tired of hoping,

I long for an enlightment one day, hope like everything else is an illusion. 

I would appreciate your crtiques :)